Trigamy

 

Tim rolled out of bed so not to wake Ann. He had those Sunday Morning woosies; he had too much to drink last night and needed a cup of coffee.

Ann was down in the kitchen mixing up stuff.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m making waffles.”

“If you’re making waffles, Who is that in our bed?”

“That’s Teri.”

“Is it a he Terry or a she Terry?”

“She’s a she Teri.”

“How did THAT happen?”

“She called earlier in the day. Said she was coming. Nowhere else to go. She was my best friend in college. I couldn’t turn her away.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I haven’t seen her in years and didn’t know what she looks like now.”

“What DOES she look like?”

“A movie star.”

That helped. “What happened?”

“Her boyfriend started doing drugs, then the cops broke down the door. They were going to run her in. They checked her arms for needle marks and found nothing. Said;  ‘Get out of here.’ She packed a small suitcase, grabbed her secret $ 1,000, and went to the bus station. Sat for an hour and called me. Got here about 2 am, cold and hungry. I made her some eggs and hot chocolate. Then I put her to bed between us to warm up.”

“What was I doing all this time?”

“Sawing wood. You had too much to drink. Go wake her up.”

“I’m NOT going to wake her up.  I’m naked.”

“So is she.”

“Even so, I’m not going to wake her up.”

“OK, sissy. I’ll do it. Finish making the waffles.” Ann went up stairs and came down with a naked, tousled haired, sleepy eyed beauty.

Just like in the movies.

“Teri, this is Tim.”

“Hi Timmy.”

“That’s Tim.”

“OK. You making waffles? God I’m hungry.”

Tim was staring at this moving feast and getting an erection beneath the table. Ann was smiling, knowing what was going on. She said: “Why don’t you run upstairs and get your pants?”

“Er, I’m Ok here.”

Ann went and got them, while Teri did the dishes. Tim wiggled into them just in time. Teri finished,  came over and kissed him on the mouth. He was glad he had his pants on. Ann was giggling.

Teri said; “Ann told me that you were quite a stud and I would love you.”

“She said that?”

“I held nothing back, Tim. I said that we could all share that big bed together.”

They worked out a schedule of sorts. If they had Tim in the middle. He screwed them both. If Ann or Teri was in the middle, the closest one got his attention. Sometimes they went after each other, Tim looking on in wonder.

“Just like in college.”

Tim was the West Coast manager for  ‘FORWARD,’ A producer of rocket components. A very responsible position that paid accordingly. An improperly torqued nut could destroy a 8o million dollar rocket. Plus a 300 million dollar payload.

Ann had a MA in English Lit. With minors in Anatomy and Romance Languages. She wrote slutty, but wildly popular ‘Bodice Rippers’. ‘The handsome Lord Carrington pushed beautiful Samantha down on the bed and ripped off the rest of her gown. “You asked for it,” he said as he plunged into her.’  She was able to knock them out. The English Lit and Romance Language background helped. The Anatomy minor inspired complex body entanglements.

Her books sold by the carload. She made as much as Tim without the responsibility. She could write one a week if she wanted to.

She was always amazed that they sold world wide. But there were frustrated women everywhere. Her Publisher had them translated into French, Spanish, or German.  [ Der schone Lord Carrington, schob die schone Samantha doen auf den bett, und.. ]

Ann’s pen name was Amanda Bellwether. She thought of it as a well paying a joke.

Teri was an Office Manager, and a good one in spite of her looks. Or maybe because. She got a position with large firm that made medical equipment and supplies. MediTec. All the males hovered around her being extra nice. Too nice sometimes. She was the soul of politeness, and never belittled them. She would say: “Thanks for the compliment, but I’m happily married.” There was one Supervisor that would not take no for an answer. He told her point blank; “Fuck me or get fired.”

Teri said that she would report him to Human Resources. He told her to go ahead. He had them under his thumb.

Her solution was to walk into a Board Meeting filled with 20 older gentleman. Introduce herself, and told them that Arnold Trembly said; “Fuck me or get fired.”

“He said THAT?”

“His exact words.”

The President and CEO, made two phone calls. Mr. Trembly was fired within the hour.  Teri replaced him.

Ann loved Teri. Teri loved Ann. Both loved Tim, and Tim love them all. They explored the idea of the three of them getting married.

Although gays could get married, three could not. It would be ‘trigamy’. Teri legally changed last name to Archer. So it was Tim, Ann and Teri Archer. She and Ann got matching wedding rings. They did everything together like a married couple might.

If someone was bold enough to ask; “Are you three married?” they answered;  “Yes, in the eyes of God.” That was a conversation stopper and they never asked again.

Tim was 6’ 2.” The bed was a ‘California King,’ 6 feet wide and 7 long, but now it seemed a little crowded.  They had a special bed made.  7 feet wide and 7 feet long, with a 10 foot headboard. They ordered special sheets from France. Apparently this size was common for the ‘Mènage à trois’ crowd. Ah, those French.

When the person in the middle wanted to get out, they slid out the bottom and returned the same way.

They did some historical research on Ménage à Trois, hoping for conformation. To their surprise, they found they were in good company. British hero, Admiral Horatio Nelson. Mary Shelley, author of ‘Frankenstein.’ Writer, Aldous Huxley. Political Philosopher, Friedrich Engels. Psychoanalyst, Carl Jung. And, Oh My God! Erwin Schrodinger, of  “Schrodinger’s Cat” Fame. Plus all the lesser known practitioners. At least they were in the elite crowd of lesser knowns. They enjoyed themselves like bunnies in clover.

Just like in all the fairy tales they had read when they were children: “They lived happily ever after.”

(originally written   Sept. 17, 2016 )

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