The small sign said: C.T. CHANG Potions, Nostrums, and Pills
Clyde Anders pushed the door open and the lights came on. He saw a little Chinese man dressed in red silk robes.
“Are you Mr. C. T. Chang?”
“I only Chang here. So must be me. What you want?”
“I want to be big and strong.”
“Many men want this. Why you want?”
“So I can get girls.”
“Good reason. You got big and strong credit card?”
“ I’ve got an American Express, with a high limit.”
“That good start. You want big, like Green Hulk, or big like Red Hellboy?”
“No colors. What about how Arnold Schwarzenegger looked when he won Mr. Universe? The women were all over him. That’s what I’d like.”
“What limit on credit card? Maybe, not enough.”
“$ 15,000, on the American Express. Then I have a $ 10,000 Visa.”
“That enough to start. Can’t do over night. Scare neighbors. Take 12 months. You know, with big muscles come small dick.”
“What do you mean, small dick.”
“Nature trade off. Muscle man have small dick. Everybody know that. Small man, have big dick. I small man. Have big dick. Very happy.”
“Can’t I, at least, have an average dick?”
“You average man. Already have average dick, 5.4 inches What you want?”
”Well, I was hoping for a great body and a big dick.”
“Chang already said can’t have both.”
“What about, being strong like Bruce Lee? He was thin.”
“He strong, but average. You already average. Why you change?”
“I’ve thought about it for years. Like in the Charles Atlas ads, you know. 97 pound weakling turn into a muscle man. That’s what I wanted to be. Then all the women would flock to me.”
“That just sexy dream. Sound good, but hard to do. You make up mind, what you want.”
“I want to be big and strong.”
“O K. I get you Big and Strong pills. Very expensive. Take one a month, for year. Then come back.” Mr. Chang opened a door on the opposite wall. There was a low hum, from the knob. The other room, had one wall full of drawers with Chinese labels. He returned with a small bottle, containing 12 red pills, and labeled “B & S”.
“How much will that cost me?”
“$12,000 dollars. But no need to exercise. Just live normal life. Pill do all the work.”
A year later, a bulging Clyde came through the door. He had black circles under his eyes.
“Oh, Mr. Chang”. he cried, “What can I do? That was the biggest mistake of my life. I get girls, but they all laugh, when they see my tiny little dick. I’m thinking of killing myself.”
“Chang can fix with Normal pills. Half price sale. Only $ 6,000, for 12 pills. Get big dick.”
Mr. Chang went into the other room The knob hummed, and got a bottle, labelled “NP”.
After a relieved Clyde left, Mr. Chang bolted the door, and walked over to the other wall. The knob hummed. This time, the door slid into the wall. A young, handsome, and tall, Dr. Chang, walked into a modern laboratory. His beautiful assistant, Miss Chow, was waiting.
“Wow, you certainly gave it to that poor guy.”
“I know, but some sometimes they have to be taught a lesson. But I did give him 6 inches.”
“Speaking of dicks, Let’s see if you still have that 8 inch alligator down there? I think it’s feeding time. Oh my God!! Yes! Yes! Yes! Oh God! Oh God, Yes! Don’t stop!”