Mr. Chang Tries Comedy

The small sign said: C.T. CHANG  Potions, Nostrums, and Pills

Gloria pushed open the door. A light came on. She saw a little old Chinese man, dressed in red silk robes.

“Are you Mister Chang?

“Yes, I Chang, but I not Wong.”

“What?”

“50 million Chinese can’t be Wong.”

“I don’t get it?”

“I practice stand up comedy for Chinese restaurant. You have fried rice? Give ’em black coffee. That sober em up.”

“I have a serious problem.”

“All problem serious. What problem you have?”

“I’m losing my boyfriend. We work in the same office.”

“You need stronger chain and collar. That dog joke.”

“He’s so much sexier than I am. He wants it once a day. I think once a month is fine.”

“Once a month bad for romance. I can give you ‘Once a day pills’.”

“Do you have anything stronger? I don’t want to lose him?”

“Chang have double strength. Very dangerous. Take one pill a day for 10 days.”

Two weeks later, a frazzled man came in. “Are you Mister Chang?”

“I Chang, but I not Wong.”

“I know, I know. Gloria told me. I’m her boyfriend, Gordon. Mr. Chang, she wears me out, just wears me out. Wants to do it ALL the time. I can’t keep up. She told me about your, ’Take one a day’ pills, but she took all 10 at once. Can you slow her down?”

“Slow down, problem. Once start up engine, hard to stop bulldozer. I give you 10, same pill. take all at once.  If both can walk, come back in month. Give Chang results.”

A month later, two happy people flew through the door.  “Oh!, Mr. Chang, thank you. We do it four times a day, but lost our jobs. Can you help us with any suggestions?”

“Chang never heard four times a day, but have naughty suggestion. Buy camera. Make porno. Big money today, in porno. Chang can advertise ‘See big results here. All natural’.”

Mr. Chang closed up,  and went over to a door. He turned the  knob. It hummed and slid into the wall. A tall, handsome Dr. Chang saw his beautiful assistant, Miss Chow.

“I think we better do some field work.”

“You don’t mean four times a day?”

“Yes. Exactly that.”

“What about customers?”

“They can come back later.”

“Quick, get those pills and start the bulldozers. Four times a day, I can hardly wait!  OH! GOD!”

(Written Feb. 20, 2017)

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