My how melodrama has changed…
“If you’re making waffles, Who is that in our bed?”
Sebastian Livermore Trout researched the requirements for a legal name change. Did all the paperwork, and in two weeks, stood before a judge with his mother crying behind him, and changed his legal name to Biff Cartwright.
Beijing said; What the hell. If beautiful girls didn’t work, maybe cute Pandas would.
“Tell us Martha, when did you first know that you could predict the future?”
“Well it started before I was born.”
“Before you were were born?”
“He said that the only method the church approves of is: If I’m flat on my back with my eyes closed, doing the Stations of the Cross in my mind. He’s a holy man.”
“He tells me of some of the things he hears in the confessional. He wants me to know these things so I can avoid them.”
You’d never know it, but it’s a whole different world, behind the counter. I mean, from the front all you see is the ketchup, sugar, salt, and pepper. But on the back side, there are plates, cups and saucers, silverware, glasses, napkins and everything.
Bill took pride in his neatness. Not like some of those dropouts they hired. He was precise.
He finished the condiment section. Ketchup, mayo, mustard, relish, pickles. He stood back, admiring his work.
“John Thompson, head of J T Industries, (JTI), was at the Halloween office party.”
They entered the office, his hand on her shoulder and sat down.
In a few minutes, the secretary said; “Mr. Salvatore will see you now.” They got up, his hand on her right shoulder and walked to the open door.
Jim slowly moved his head over. There was warmth. He moved a bit more. Holy Shit! feathers! He leaped out of bed and turned on the light. He saw a beautiful, blue-eyed blonde, smiling up at him. But feathers?
“Lassie said that you had fallen down the mineshaft.”
“Dad. Don’t believe everything Lassie says. Come on home and have milk and cookies.”
Black beret, red lips, dangling cigarette, black and white striped top, no bra, black mini skirt, and high heels. He went over and looked carefully. “Ursula?”
“No.” She said in a French accent. “She ez weeth other customer.”
“The Prince told this transformation tale to the Kingdom’s Wise Men, Advisors, Soothsayers and Astrologers. They all came to the same conclusion; It was an updated Cinderella story.”
“Now you listen to me. You’re a BAD cat. No doubt about it! ”
The years ground on. Jake became brown and weather-beaten. His black hair and beard turned white. Jake and MaryBelle walked slower. When people asked if he found it he would say; “Nope. But gettin’ close.” Or; “I’m just about there.”
As long as he had some money in the bank, they called him; “Touched.” When his money ran out they called him; “Crazy.” It’s amazing what a few dollars can do.
I gave the parking valet the keys to my classic white Jaguar XK 120. “Don’t scratch it,” I said, and went inside. It was first time I’d eaten at ‘Gambino’s Family, Italian Restaurant.’
Everyone has heard stories about being abducted by aliens. I mean, who hasn’t. It’s a very popular yarn, and it’s always the same. You’re snatched away and are never heard of again.
The waiter brought my coffee and soup. I put a package of equal, and two creams, in the coffee and stirred. I unfolded my napkin, and laid it across my lap. I picked up my soup spoon and stopped. There was a fly in my soup.
Richard saw all those White Swans, floating across the stage, and fell in love. He wanted to eat them up. He saw only one way to do it.
“How can you come in here, with only twenty cents?”
“Well, Laviney, I was horny and that’s all I had.”