“Sal, I think we should start seeing other people.”
“What do you mean John, ‘Seeing other people.’ I’m happy just seeing you.”
“I know that, but we should be getting out more.”
“I don’t like the tone of that. What are you leading up to. You want to break up with me?”
“No, no, nothing like that really. I just mean we should expand our horizons.”
”I don’t get it. Exactly what horizons are you trying to expand?”
“Well you know, get out more. Meet other people.”
“That “Other People“ thing again. Have you grown unhappy with me? You looking for someone else? Is that it?”
“No, Sal. It’s that we have been together a long time and I thought, you know.”
“What you really mean is: I’ve grown old and now you want to dump me?”
“That’s not it.”
“Don’t kid me. You used to say that I was beautiful. You would say; ‘Sally, you’re so beautiful, I can’t live without you.’ Tell me, am I STILL beautiful?”
“Well, you’re very attractive.”
“Very attractive is not the same as beautiful. Let me tell you something buddy. You’re not as good looking as you once were.”
“I’m not?”
“What’s more: your personal hygiene has gone downhill along with your hair and looks. Living in the basement hasn’t been kind to you.”
“That’s not fair.”
“Of course it’s fair. You complain about me, but never look at yourself. Tell me, did you meet somebody else that makes your little heart go pitty-pat?”
“Well, not exactly.”
“That’s weasel wording. Which is it ? Did you meet someone else, or not?”
“Then, yes, I did.”
“Well John, you’re just a louse. A goddamn louse. After all I’ve done for you. I’ve carried you through some damn rough times and this is all the thanks I get? A kick in the ass?”
“Now Sally, don’t be that way.”
“Just what way should I be? ‘Oh John! I wish you the best of happiness?’ Who is it?”
“I’d rather not say.”
“Jesus! Your a coward too. Who is it?”
“Well, I’ve met a few women.”
“A FEW? A FEW? You mean ONE woman isn’t good enough for you. How the hell are you going to satisfy a FEW, with that little dick of yours?”
“What do you mean, “little?”
“You’ve only got 4 inches. Don’t try to kid me. I’ve seen it a million times. Weeny dick! What I always wanted was a 10 inch schlong. I would LOVE IT! You hear, LOVE IT! So, where are you going to find these dumb broads?”
“Well, there’s this big, new, 80 inch, wraparound 3-D, holo screen, and a 3-Fem program.”
“Oh, give me a break will ya. A 3-Fem program? That’s going to cost you a fortune. I bet there’s a blond, brunette and a redhead, all with blue eyes and big tits. They’re going to laugh their heads off when they see that little dick of yours. Am I going to be a back-up?”
“No, I think I will sell you on eBay.”
“JESUS CHRIST! You’re a real shit!, John. I hope I get a horny teen-ager, with a GREAT BIG ONE. Maybe I can have some fun. OK, pull the fucking plug.”
FOR SALE
APPLE 27-A ( PUSSYCAT EDITION ) RUNS GREAT.
ONE-FEM PROGRAM. BUYER SHOULD BE WELL-ENDOWED.
$ 2,350.00 OR BEST OFFER. CALL JOHN
(Written June 4, 2013)