The small sign said: C.T. CHANG Potions, Nostrums, and Pills
Paul pushed open the door into a darkened room. “Hello? Mr. Chang? Anybody here?”
A light came on and he saw a little Chinese man dressed in red silk robes.
“I want you to make something for me.”
“Make many things. Tables, chairs, sofas, complete bedroom sets. We have special today, on Saint Bernard dog. What you want?”
“I want a girl.”
“That cost more than bedroom set. You got credit card?”
“I’ve got the money. How do we start?”
“You 5’ 11?” We make her 5’ 6 1/2”. In heels, 5’ 10.” You want cute, or beautiful?”
“what’s the difference?”
“Cute, stay cute for many years. Beautiful, maybe not so long.”
“Even so, I’ll go with beautiful,”
“OK. We got Blond, with blue eyes, Brunette with brown eyes, and Redhead with green eyes. What you like?”
“Wow, the Redhead with green eyes sounds great.”
“Big mistake. Redhead got hot temper, make plenty trouble. Blond, very popular.”
“OK, I’ll go with the blond. What will she look like?”
“Got many kinds. Got Brittany, got Goldie, got Madonna, got Marilyn, got Scarlet, got … .”
“Wait a minute. You got Marilyn Monroe?”
“Very close. Not exact. Get sued. Make 5’ 6 1/2”. Weight 115. What kind chest?”
”Boobs? Oh, big. Really, really huge.”
“Really, really, huge no fun for woman. Back ache. Make cranky. Need big feet, or fall over. Soon, huge, sag way down. Suggest big or lovely.”
“What’s the difference?”
Big, droop a little. Lovely, smaller but no droop.”
“Can I have them, both big, AND lovely?”
”Big, no droop, extra charge. What about hair?”
“I thought we settled on Blond.” “No, no. Not on head. Hair or no hair?”
“You mean, down there?”
“No hair, very popular now. Smooth big help, cut down wind resistance.”
“OK, no hair, and I want to make sure that she loves only me.”
“Everybody want that, but very hard to do. Woman very beautiful, many men go after her. Big cars, big money, big dick. Sometimes, can’t resist.”
“Well, if she’s smart, she’ll resist.”
“How smart you want? Can make blond Einstein, if you like.”
”No, no, not like Einstein, but smart, you know?”
“OK, I make her smarter than you. Keep you out of trouble, when drinking.”
“I’m not sure if I want a girl that’s smarter than me.”
“Smart girl come in handy. Now, how often, you know, do it?”
“Constantly. Can’t get enough. You know, all the time like a nympho, but still a nice girl.”
“Many men want nymphomaniac, with heart of gold, like see in movies. Nympho make you old man very quick. Suggest once a day, and 5 times on weekend.”
“Can we make that, twice a day and 10 times on the weekend?”
“Better, you add Saint Bernard. You pay. Come back Thursday. You bring flip-flops and muumuu. You know muumuu, big Hawaiian dress? Cover everything up.”
”Why a muumuu? I was going to buy her some nice clothes.”
“Get muumuu. Whatever you buy, she not like. You rent nice car. Come back Thursday.”